Mobiles At The Table

Synchronised Drinking
Mobile phones, how did we ever live without them, can anyone even remember what life was like before the mobile phone? I can, it was bliss, and it didn’t take 16 calls to arrange to meet someone in pub.
“Hey Bob, having trouble tying my shoe laces, I’ll be 3 minutes late”
“That’s ok Fred, I am just getting into the car, I’ll ring you as I get to the bridge, I’ll only be 2 minutes from the pub then”
“Great, but make sure you ring me if you are delayed, God knows I’d hate to have to sit in the pub having a pint while waiting for you.”
We all do it and we should be ashamed.
It’s simple really, when you make an arrangement, keep it.

Sorry I’m Late
The mobile phone is the tool of the asshole that always turns up late. We all know someone like this, they are always at least a half an hour late, and they ring every 5 minutes to let you know how sorry they are for being late. Well I say fuck um, next time you arrange to meet them turn your phone off, allow them 10 minutes leeway and then leave. It won’t teach them anything but you’ll feel a lot better about yourself.

I do have a Life
Then there is the person who just can’t resist having their private calls in public, allowing the world to know their arrangements, they are in some way desperately trying to prove that they have a life.
I would like to point out that before mobiles we had public pay phones, you may still see one around now and again, which were sensibly situated in phone booths because the public in public pay phones referred to their availability and did not imply they should be used for public broadcasts.
Please just give us all a break, you clearly don’t have a life so keep your mundane day to day activities to yourself you sad, sad, little twat.

They real story behind the Mobile phone
Who came up with the concept of the mobile phone, most people would probably tell you the technology was developed by the military for use in battle, but this of course is complete bollocks. It was women who came up with the concept of the mobile phone, as the perfect gift for their man, isn’t it nice to be never more then a call away from the one you love. Especially when you’re out playing poker, no good can every come from receiving a call at the poker table, they should be completely banned from all poker rooms.
You know, you’ve been there, its 8:30am, you're sitting in a cash game doing your nut, fatigue has long since been replaced by that numb out of body feeling that can keep you going till noon at least, and the no smoking laws have long since been abandoned. Through the wisps of smoke you stare at your opponents weary eyes, you know they are better player then you but it doesn’t matter anymore, the chip are going in on any shit now, all judgement left with the smoking ban. Now its pitch and toss and your in with a chance, your going to get those chips back… and then the silence is ruptured by the shrill screech of the Crazy Fucking Frog.
“Ah shit what does she want” as he presses the reject button.” She knows where I am, Jasus, its not like I’m of screwing some other bird”
“Damn right, there’s no other woman desperate enough”
“Other then your sister”
Everyone is smiling now maybe even the odd chuckle, bodies start to groan and creak as players begin to stretch and shake themselves awake, your starting to loose them. And then some fuck monkey rams the knife home.
“What time is it anyway?”
You slump back in your seat groaning, your chance has slipped away. This is the question that has killed more poker games then the cops. Its time to start worrying if you’ve got enough left for breakfast and a cab.
Curse those phones and the women that shackle us with them