Accessories of a Poker Player

Rings, bracelets, necklaces or nipple rings, if you ain’t got some of these then you’re just a part-timer, treating the game as a hobby, not truly a part of the real poker world, the world of the gambler.

I suppose this harkens back to the days when a poker player needed to constantly travel and this was the easiest way to carry large sums of money, if times got hard there would always be a pawn shop nearby. Even today in the states you will always find a pawn within a 2 minute walk of any casino. Maybe we can even blame the WSOP for encouraging this phenomenon by giving out gold bracelets to the winners all their events.
Whatever the reason, sometimes it seems the only difference between a winner and a loser is, the winner’s gold doesn’t turn his skin green.

It's not that I have anything against jewellery as such, it's more a question of taste, or maybe more the lack of it that sometimes reduces me to tears.
One of my absolute favourite pieces of bling is sported by John “The Brawler” Honan, it’s a ring he wears on his thumb, yes his thumb, that has a platinum outer band that supports an inner gold band that spins around, and has the 4 suits engraved on it, top class. Two words come to mind every time I see it, “Pike” and “e”. I’d really love to meet the dodgy Turk that sold it to John, I bet he’s still doubled over laughing.

But whatever about outlandishly vile and gaudy jewellery, which at the very least will give someone a good laugh, matching sets are just wrong. Tom “Kinder” Hanlon, one of Irelands foremost players, sports a rather fetching gold necklace which would be just fine if it wasn’t for the matching bracelet he wears with it. Combine this with the torn jeans he likes to wear and it’s not so much a pro poker look or even a tarmac your driveway in the middle of the day look, no, it's more a slip in the back entrance in the dead of night look. Hey, maybe this is the secret of his success, you’re less worried about his cards then you are that he’ll start rubbing your leg under the table, nice one Tom.

But of all the daft thing I have seen in the poker room, rings with rims, tee-shirts with a players own bloody name on it like Paul “The Hangman, really all the lads called me that at school” Roper, the single most embarrassing thing I have seen is a guy walking around the room with a Ferrari laptop, this belongs to Tom “The Opinion, and everyone knows what they say about opinions” Murphy, I mean good God man, what do you think goes through peoples minds when they see that thing. I am looking looking out for the new TV program, Pimp My Laptop.

Of course maybe I have it all wrong, maybe I shouldn’t be taking the piss out of people because of the ridiculous things they chose to adorn themselves with.
Should I instead celebrate the differences in people, be thankful for the dazzling variety of people you get to meet in the poker world, embrace the individual in everyone?

Bollock, it’s that kinda dumbass thinking that got women the vote, and see where that got us.